It's there for your convenience, not the other way around

I'm stuck in a jam (what's new right?) and lone drivers around me have the glow of LEDs on their faces. On my left is someone on her mobile phone. I look to my right, more text-driving. I look in the rear and it’s Mr. Gold Digger! Just kidding. It’s just some guy on his mobile phone. The only person to break the monotony is an old man reading the papers. I know what you're thinking. Who even reads newspapers anymore, am I right? This man takes text-driving to a whole new level, but at least he's a refreshing sight from the other commuters.

I can imagine some of the drivers taking selfies for Facebook so they can post stuff like “so jam now… haihz,” before gracing unsuspecting surfers with their duck-faces. What I don’t get is the need people have to be on their phones all the time, especially during driving. 

Well no biggie right? Because it's only FATAL! Nothing to be concerned about. No sir.

Sadly, that's not the end of my tribulations. I arrive at the gym only to find its employees busy with their phones. I go into the changing room and there’s a dude taking pictures of his biceps. In the toilet, there’s this douche that thinks everyone’s interested in his phone conversation, which by the way is something about a drunk shag he had last night. I'm pretty sure he's giving himself way more credit than the other side of the story. Then I walk out to the gym floor and the bicycle section is filled with people—on their phones. Really? Why?

They're barely even pedalling. I see them flicking away at their screens. My guess is they're trying to get past level 238 on Candy Crush. It’s funny seeing how these guys juggle their attention between their legs and their phones though. Some of them stop pedalling until they remember they’re supposed to be working out. Then they manage a burst before losing concentration and the whole routine repeats itself.

At least that shit's not happening in the yoga room, right? Especially when the sign outside the door says ‘NO MOBILE PHONES ALLOWED’ right? I throw my hands up in exasperation. Guess not. A few ladies are punching texts in the corner, oblivious to the instructor wanting to start the class. Okay maybe they're insecure about leaving their valuables in the locker, I get it, but at least have the decency to turn those damn things off.

Halfway into class, the phone rings, for the fourth time. The owner doesn’t even bother turning it off. This always happens when this particular woman comes to class. Zen? How about I give her a knuckle Zenwich? A fleeting thought passes of me channelling my passive-aggressiveness and tutting her into submission, but my hands are in a knot and I’m standing on one foot, so breathing alone is labour enough. Our instructor asks us to empty our minds. Can't you live without your phone for an hour? That’s as empty as it gets for now.

After class I’m fidgety and feel like punching ladybirds. I walk out of the gym and—God they’re everywhere—everyone is fixed to their mobile devices. It’s like that research where they ask you to focus on a specific colour in your surroundings, and suddenly you see more of it everywhere you look. Or like when you buy a new car, and magically the same model starts popping up on the road.

People aren’t looking where they're walking, not seeing what they're eating, or even talking to their friends they're out with. It’s like an episode of The Walking Dead, only instead of being brain dead from a virus, victims turn undead through technology. Apple plays the bad guy, introducing new virus strains every year in the form of iPhones. Telco companies partner up in man's demise, helping spread the plague through the use of affordable data plans, and soon enough a child from the future would go back to destroy the first ever Motorola to save mankind from their doom! Okay I might have mixed up the movies. I'm not a big movie buff.

When I get in my car, I take out my trusted notepad and scribble:

People stuffing their heads in technology (which will end up as this article).

My brows furrow. Something’s missing. I add:

Possible Walking Dead spoof.

Don’t judge. This is how I get ideas for stories.

But I digress. I'm glad I went through school without a mobile phone. Appointments had nothing on us. Also, it made telecommunication a commodity.

“Subang Parade? Sure, see you at 10. I’ll be at Grandy’s.”

“Movies? Awesome. Let’s see if we can catch the same bus. If I don’t see you, be at the cinema at 3.”

"Stay by the phone at 11. If your mom picks up, I'm hanging up."

Yeah, not as convenient, but many times the awesome. Kids back then knew how to live.

At the risk of sounding unpopular, I've never understood why some people say "I can't live without my mobile phone." I find that sentence filled to the brim with throes of consumerism. Unless you're using it to run a business, there's many more things that affect your livelihood, and this is not one of them.

The mobile phone makes our lives easier, I’ll give it that. It’s now possible to reach anyone, anywhere, anytime; but I wonder if that’s a good thing. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe the reason why I’m unattached to my phone is because no one contacts me on it. So if you’re reading this and you have my number, please call me.

I reach home and my phone vibrates. A message from Jay.

Jay: yo im stuck in traffic now dm jam shit. wan yamcha not

Me: ur driving now?

Jay: ya why

Me: you suck

Jay: huh?

Jay: hello?